I can’t sleep. And I feel like I have something to say. Something compels me to write. I don’t have anything to complain about. Life is actually pretty good. My kids are growing up fine. My business is doing good. I guess my only complaint would be that I remember a time when I had time to do things for myself and an artistic way. Now it just seems like I have become highly addicted to results or better yet rewards for hard work. I’m not sure why am dreaming so much lately and the dreams have been of other women. I know that there’s nothing that I can do about the dream. But what worries me more is that I am becoming very skilled at lucid dreaming.
The strange part about lucid dreaming is that you can distinguish the reality from the dream and then suddenly be in control of the dream. What concerns me is that once I am aware I am dreaming I immediately resort to fucking anything in sight. If this is the case and this is how I truly feel and how is it that I am capable of betraying my wife in a dream but no very well but in reality it would be the dumbest thing I could ever do. There’s no way anyone could replace her. I’ve said it before, she’s the best of the best.
Why then must I long for a different life? A life that I fantasize about when consumed by alcohol and drugs? Why would I feel compelled to play the role of some sort of Don Juan Jim Morrison that paints seashells on Venice Beach and recites poetry for the affection of beautiful women and fine wine? Why wouldn’t think it would be okay to consider a life so different than the one I have control over. Nobody’s keeping me here. There’s no rulebook says that I can’t go to Venice Beach and grow my hair out and paint seashells for the love of beautiful women and wine. It is because of this life that I’ve chosen in the flesh that I can dream of an alternate reality.
It is because of my commitment to being a gentleman and a good father and a good husband that I can appreciate an artificial vacation at the expense of nobody. What a great thing it is to lucid dream. What a great thing it is to lucid live.