I really don’t have a good enough excuse as to why I weigh so much. Only reasons. The reason I weigh so much is because gravity has decided to pull on me. It wants to bring me down.I know it’s because of the fast food drive-through’s and the convenience of having the money to stop at any one of them and order whatever I want. Maybe it’s the munchies. Totally possible. I suppose I have to ask the next time I see someone who’s really shredded if there is any room for error or deviation. Is there such thing as a cheat day? Is all you can eat or fast food anywhere in their lives?

Well shit, healthy food is boring. But I can also argue that being overweight is not exciting either. My legs are starting to feel the pain from upping my distance and lowering my pace. My shins and my ankles and my knees and my hip and my back all seem to be rebelling against me in some sort of effort to tell me you’re too old for this shit. But I run and I do yoga to avoid the reaper. I wonder if I just never worked out for the last 10 years what my body would look like. I would hate to think the same. It’s not easy training for one marathon a year and two or 3 half marathons. There’s no thrill in the recovery or reward for the run. Perhaps it’s just a story or two and the adventure that I take on my own. But I’m not really doing much to share that beyond the night of the event. So what am I supposed to do from this day forward? Am I supposed to hit rock bottom?

When I turned my career around in 2013 I had hit rock bottom financially. I was borrowing money. It’s probably the worst fucking way to find out that you’ve hit rock bottom. It was that moment that I decided is that would be paid off and I would be back on track and it was and I was.it was the fear of loss and the fear of losing what respect I had earned from my family and peers and my wife and my children. It was a feeling of deep despair and anguish that only those who have been there could understand. I was hit by the recession. I hit rock bottom and I made the change. It’s similar to those people that you see on those late-night infomercials for health and fitness. It is the before and after shot that convinces us to buy and rush ship as we powerdown the third heaping bowl of ice cream.we tell ourselves this will be the day that we turned around. But the difference between us and them, those on the screen or that they did in fact turn around. And this turnaround was not something that was easy. They didn’t have some sort of surgery or procedure. They simply acknowledged the bottom and kept their eye on the top.

It was a complete turn about from who they were and who they wanted to be. And they became. It was not an easy process to refrain from eating those large portions. Just as it’s not going to be easy for me to refrain from eating those large portions. I often wonder if weight-loss is possible by simply counting the gulps in a day. Maybe 100 or 200 gulps regardless of what your gulping down would definitely limit you to what you can eat and how many calories you consume. We’re very fortunate in this day and age to have the technology to measure every ounceof food that we consume and yet we don’t. Why? Because we are lazy. If we were not lazy then we would have no problem getting on the treadmill or getting on the bicycle are going to the gym. It is just as easy to enter your calorie count as it is to burn those calories. It becomes a decision and then an action.

I keep telling myself that Monday is the day that I’ll start or the first is the day that I’ll start as if I’m having some sort of new years resolution often. Then why is it so damn hard to pay attention? I’ll be honest, open till recently I was completely unaware that I was actually pigging out during the course of the day. It was as if I was under some sort of voodoo spell that kept me from being aware of these moments. But lately and I do mean lately like two weeks lately, I have actually been after 5 PM, eating mass amounts of whatever I can put in my mouth knowing that this is probably the worst thing I could be doing after so much hard work during the course of the day to avoid eating these kinds of food. It’s no longer a mystery as to who that person is who’s feeding me at night. I now know who it is. It is the person who is complacent with themselves. Not the person who is ready for change. I love food but I have to go seek therapy for my relationship.

Leave a Reply