What Am I Afraid Of?


What is it about the end that’s has me fascinated?

Or afraid

I should be more excited about the present. I worry about things that may never be.

I try to calculate the amount of toxins be the good or bad for the soul and what It would take to kill me. I begin by making arrangements for the afterlife by organizing what is here in front of me. As if what I am leaving behind is of such significance that it would need to be curated and put in order so that it will live forever. The truth is that with all of my earthly possessions I am not leaving anything behind that anyone wants.

I will be forgotten in 100 years.

With that on the front of my lobe, I must be afraid that I’m not doing anything with the gift. The present. The moment.

I should be afraid of the moments that I do not sense fear. The emotion that we also call fear is probably the most powerful stimulator of the present. This may not actually be fear but a surge of quanta that fills the air and penetrates my soul and covers my flesh in a chilling wave of what could be enthusiasm undisguised.

I might be worried that I am not lingering long enough now the moment, long enough to maintain a state of flow and active epiphany.

I know that I am losing myself in time. I am afraid that I would get lost in the lack of what I have worked so hard to achieve.

Life is perfect. That sounds too optimistic. Life is as it should be now in the perfect moment. No, that sounds like new age bullshit. Life is the best possible outcome of the present situation and what I learn from it and how I choose to share my lesson. It is how I demonstrate my character and what sort of person I choose to become regardless of the current climate.

If you want to be an loner and live among the animals in nature 100 miles off the grid then do just that. The gift you give to the world is the gift you give to yourself and that is to live my life the way I want to or choose to. The only law I would abide by is to take only as much as I give.

If no one reaches out their hand to accept my gift then it has no value.I will not be a beggar. I will give.

If you take a walk down the Venice Beach California boardwalk on any given day you can clearly see the beggars from the givers. The beggars lay down with their hand extended but motionless. The giver sits upright behind objects of his or her creation. Painted tree branches and palm husks. They smile and if you like their smile and their art you give them your money. Money you earned with the exchange of your gifts and talents. They manifest their talents and gifts and you share. The beggar does not share. They piss on the side walk and stink the place up. Don’t piss on the sidewalk and stink the place up.

The giver stands upright and learns to move their body or their vocal chords in a song and a guitar. The giver just plays the melody and if you pass him by his quanta did not line up.Your emotions did not vibrate in tune so you do not share.

The bird-man of the beach spends his life with his pets and comes out to give a gift with his friends. You can take a picture and conversations develop. His intentions are known. He wants to share if you share. Playground 101.

Share and no hitting.

I am no longer afraid. I know that I have very little time to play and share. If someone hits me I will cry and then look for another friend. That’s all.

I will stay in the present and collect the manifested fragments of my lessons and experiences and build a legacy. I believe that when we leave we ca still feel joy with no pain. Eckhart Tolle, Esther Hicks and Myself have published on the topic of pain in the afterlife. More importantly the present awareness and total immersion in the moment being a sort of pure joy with no fear of death or pain or suffering. It is other worldly to hear them talk like this but that world does exist. I get to take this mind with me forever free of suffering. This world is inside of us. Yu cannot kicked it like a tire or lick it like and ice cream cone. It is a dream. Our dreams take us there. Those who practice lucid dream understand this. We go into this afterlife in what I call the noctus mortus. No a decomposition but a recharge of the battery that teaches us to feel deeper. To taste, to see, smell, hear and speak. Sleep and awake are almost equal in the days it takes from our present. This is why it is so important to take care of the body. It is the vehicle tat lets us travel for 80 years of lessons that become emotions. Emotions are what drives the dreams.

If we learn to master the earthly emotions in the waking moments we can learn to take this with us into the final sleep. If we leave a legacy of love and beaut then we have nothing to fear. We did our very best with this session.

This is why I feel the die hard religions are so at peace with the end and this world. Because they believe they believe in the promise or an afterlife. So they do not fear because they can recite an affirmation about comfort and ease.

I just have to have faith that this is the best possible world. That there is no other. So I either live in it don’t. I choose to live. Live fearless enthusiasm.


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